Actually, I don't really know how much this will be about the first run-through. We did do it tonight. It went fairly well. People are starting to crank it up a notch. Othello freaking cranked it up a few notches in places. I have said before how wonderful it has been to watch him attack this play as if he had never been in it before... looking for new discoveries etc. Well tonight I think we saw him fill in some of the blanks with things he had discovered from all the time he has spent on his role in other productions. All of the sudden it was like... "OH SNAP... DAVID'S GOT IN GOING TONIGHT."
I mentioned that to him at one point and he said... "I'm just trying to get this where it needs to be." Uh yeah... yeah you were... and it's the place where we all need to be. And it's a place you get can't get to if you are thinking about lines or cues or blocking or anything but what you are trying to get out of the other people on stage. It takes a confidence that only comes from having everything else DOWN PAT.
A major goal for this week for me is to keep getting more and more of the show at that place. It's one of the reasons why I asked the director if he'd be willing to give me my notes tonight. Tomorrow we are starting rehearsal with notes but I wanted them now. Why? Because I want to have them to work on them tomorrow before rehearsal so I am not thinking about them when I am rehearsing. I want to be connecting with my fellow actors not scanning my own brain trying to remember to play notes. I also want to start driving my part of the play more. Pushing the tempo more. It's great to start of lingering in each moment so you can discover it... but now it's time to pull out a lot of those pauses.
Meanwhile, I came home feeling a bit down. Acting is tough, man. And the emotional aspect of it is tough and irregular... at least it is for me. I never know how I'll feel after a show or a rehearsal. I've been in shows that received standing ovations and I left the theatre feeling depressed. Not even because I messed up that night. I just felt bad. And it may seem sadistic that anyone would want to do something where that could happen but, when the opposite happens, and you feel great... hahaha wow... that is worth all of the bad.
So just feeling bummed tonight. It's the kind of night where I'd love to grab a beer but, for this role, I completely stopped drinking. Haven't had a drink in over two months so that wasn't an option. It's no wonder though that so many actors are addicts of some sort, be it alcohol, or drugs, or whatever. When your job is to live at the extremes of human experience... it's obviously going to take a toll on you at times. And the better you are at it, it seems that the bigger a toll it could take on you... see Heath Ledger as the Joker.
Many people will teach you how to get in to character. Few people will teach you how to get out of character.
So yeah... not sure if it was the journey of the role tonight... or discontent with my work tonight... or just the fact that we were outside and it is still hot and I'm just exhausted... or maybe I didn't eat enough... but it's one of those nights that you just have to power through in the journey in order to have the opposite experience when the show opens.
Finally to end on a positive... the drunk scene got some good reviews from the director tonight. That's exciting. It's a challenge to effectively play drunk and I am glad what I am exploring is working. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to go through what I did tonight and work to lock it in so I can get consistent with it.
Tomorrow's gonna rock. ;)
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