There were some days after rehearsal where I could really feel the energy of the rehearsal sticking. Spend an hour pretending you are trying to beat people up, you may walk away with some negative energy that lingers. Spend a couple of hours working on a big death scene or a scene where your leg gets sliced open and you may walk out of rehearsal with some negative energy.
But that is the day-to-day energy. What about the end of it all? After your performance is nothing more than an credit on your resume and a memory for hundreds or thousands of people...what then?
Well, sometimes I play a role and when it is done, I am good to go. Maybe it wasn't a favorite role... maybe I didn't like my own work or the overall experience... maybe I've been playing the role for weeks or months and am just ready to end it... whatever the case... I take my final bow and I'm happy things are done and I'm ready to move on.
Sometimes though, it's not that easy. I've had a few roles that, for whatever reason, really were hard to let go of. Sometimes you sit in the dressing room, looking at yourself in the mirror... perhaps washing away the make up, taking off the wig, removing the costume one last time, and you just feel sad... like you're leaving something, or someone.
When I was in grad school for Acting, one of our first projects was this crazy intense 8 week process of work on Shakespeare's The Tempest which resulted in us doing a very bare-bones production of the work. Nearly all of our classes revolved around the work and then we'd rehearse at night and on the weekend. It was humbling work and this process is what really taught me what kind of effort it takes to do Shakespeare well. I remember, with about two days to go before the show, we were all sitting around, and I just started crying and said that Shakespeare's work was so big and so good that I just didn't think I was enough... that I didn't have enough to offer the story. It was that kind of process... we invested into this story everything we knew how to invest as first semester grad students.
I believe that it was after our final show when our teacher talked about letting go of the work and of the roles we played. He said wait a couple of days and then take some substantial time... 15 minutes or more... to say goodbye to our characters. And he added that we had to say the goodbye outloud. I tried it... and I liked it. So now, whenever I play a role, I say goodbye to the character. Sometimes it's a quick goodbye but the more I enjoyed the character, the more time I take.
I said goodbye to Cassio today. He has instantly vaulted into my top three Shakespeare characters that I have ever played... he might just be number one. My wife said she had never seen me play so many different things in one show. He's an outstanding soldier, he's a bad-ass, he's a drunk, he's a flirt, he's despondent, he's forgiving, he's holding onto his life... from one scene to the next he was something different.... sometimes from one moment to the next. So yeah... it was going to be a goodbye on the longer side.
Sometimes I say goodbye while enjoying a beer or glass of wine... obviously that wasn't appropriate with Cassio. I started my goodbye with a run. Many of my thoughts about Cassio and Cassio's lines were crafted and honed during runs, so it seemed appropriate. I ran, and thought about the role, thought about the successes, thought about the moments that I would love another shot at because I didn't really think I found it yet... I do kind of hope that someday, this role comes my way again... although I wouldn't mind a shot at Iago in a few years either.
After the run, I got in my car and put in some Jimi Hendrix and cranked it up real loud and just drove around a bit. Jimi was the music that somehow matched my vibe for Cassio. Watchtower and Foxy Lady just seemed like the perfect songs to listen to before rehearsals and shows. So Cassio and I went for one last spin before I finally said goodbye.
Theatre is a weird thing. You invest so much into a role and then, just like that, it seems like it is gone. But what is cool is that there are over a thousand people that, when they think of this amazing role, my performance pops in their mind. Every person that ever has and ever will play this role shapes what the role is in the minds of humanity. Cassio is constantly morphing as different actors give their takes of the character via the sensibilities of the time, the locale, and the actor. It's pretty awesome to be a part of that.
So this blog is officially over. Thanks for following along. I may use it as a teaching tool for students in some of my classes for them to refer to but I don't suspect I will add anything new at this point. If you are curious, the blog had around 1800 hits over the eight weeks. The most hits ever in one day was 70 which came on closing night.
So thanks to you all for following along. I appreciate it. It was a lot of fun working on this knowing that people were actually reading.
So long blog...
Goodbye Cassio.
